I’ve just hit the bottom of my giant cup of coffee as the sounds of city living are beginning to spill through my window. I stare at my keyboard and ponder…
By now some of you are realizing that the new studio album is in fact the unreleased AR album from two years ago. For many of you this is a good thing, even a great thing considering how wound up we were about it, and how we’ve been playing those songs, both as a collective unit and on our own for as many years. For a while we made excuses about why it wasn’t coming out and smiled through our disgust. Then we simply stopped talking about it as it became just too painful.
There are a million reasons why bands break up, discourse, desire to explore creative liberation, babies. It feels like an untimely death most of the time, fraught with innuendo and unanswered questions. There is usually no right or wrong, only interpretation and either way people always believe what they want in the end.
Being in a band was my choice. Spending years on the road with women who essentially didn’t like me was also just that. I made mistakes out there, big ones. But I left a piece of myself on the tarmac where thousands of vans carrying musicians roll over me everyday.
I spent 18 months after leaving AR trying to correct the past. I tried through phone calls, emails, letters, lawyers, mutual acquaintances you name it. For the first time ever in my life I didn’t get emotional, I asked the right questions, went through the proper channels and remained calm. I asked and asked and asked until I could ask no more. Talk to me, sit down with me, let’s have it out. Let’s say what we need to say, and finish it. Let’s get this album out. Let’s put an indelible period at the end of this didactic run-on sentence.
I got nothing.
Silence.
A resounding “no” by way of total avoidance.
Then I tried Starbucks.
Nothing.
Again.
Nothing.
For 18 months, my work and my heart lay in a box on a shelf. Some of us took out loans so that album could be made, we stopped working, I went to Nashville and to LA to write those songs, then sat in a studio for weeks again, with women who did not like me to make that album. To sing it the best I feel I ever have on tape, and give with love for the final time with AR my heart and my creativity.
So…..after two years of nothingness, of realizing that the world goes on as I go broke. As yarns are spun and judgments are made and I realize it will go on like this forever if I do nothing. I took my final $1000, copied the album, put it on iTunes and decided to let the chips fall where they may.
Anything is better than being ignored. It had to come out under Cassidy Project because I am alienated from AR totally and I knew I couldn’t use that name. It was just necessity, that’s all.
I hope you love it, it was made for you and no matter what happens now, it is where it belongs. I’m not getting rich off of it. Everything I ever earned went back into AR, this is actually the first dollar I have made off of that band in years. And trust it’s only dollars. It’s not about that and never was. It’s about the work and hours spent creating something that you should have had a long time ago and realizing that if I didn’t look after it myself, no one ever would.
Not sure what happens next, but que sera sera.
With Love & Respect,
Cassidy
{ 38 comments… read them below or add one }
Very eloquently written. I can't wait to listen to the album!
MS. Cassidy… I became a fan of AR when I saw you on tour with Rob Thomas in Tucson AZ… I was hooked on YOUR voice and sound. The song, Broken, was a ring tone on my phone. I was shoked to see just this morning when I was lookig for some music that you were no longer a parrt of AR…. so glad I found your page. Love the look.. love your sound. Look forward to hearing the new CD as well… Best wishes to you in your journey to sing to the world.!
You can try to make it sound as earnest as you want but in the end dear Cassidy it is cheating, lying, and stealing. What a sad note to go out on. Que sera sera.
I'm sorry you feel that way. Interesting though how being earnest makes you so uncomfortable. I always tell the truth as you and you always remain anonymous.
God Damn girl you f*#*#ING GO!!!! (had to be profane). We always wondered who would be honest first…….and we never had a doubt who it would be. I would like to say the a certain, pallable emotion would pour off the AR stage as much as the music sometimes!!!! This was often scrutinized and analysed by many a fan I'm sure, not just those of us that have known you outside of AR. I feel a sense of relief and joy at knowing I was NOT CRAZY during those many car rides home. “Did you notcie or was it just me……?” “Is her explanation of that song total bullshit or is it just me?” “WOW did you see the look she gave her when…..?” So from the bottom of my heart and many others THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU for settling that, now I can go collect my money!!
I had a huge emotional outburst, which surprised me, upon realizing just what CD we had just ordered, I was happy with any of your music coming my way, but this album has got to be the best I've heard you since Bette Midlers the Rose, (hahaha) just had to, seriously though I am more excited than I should be about this I think, it's just music right? NO, IT NEVER WAS!!!! That's what makes your stuff great, and it's why some people are/have been so jealous of you. So thank you again, and get your arse down to NC before Nancy pop's a vessel!!
Salient. Start to finish. You. Your character. Your music. You just made the word of week. The rest is nonsense.
Cassidy,
Thank you so much for your honesty. Thank you also for putting out the album that we all have been wanting out for so long now. I'm just sorry that it was such a hassle to do it.
Like COLLPHAE said in their post, we could tell (to a certain extent) what was going on. We could tell you weren't happy. It seemed as though the other girls in AR werent either. I can even pin point a specific show that I saw all 5 of you girls get off the stage after your show, not say a WORD to each other and just all started to walk away in 5 different directions. So, needless to say it was since then that I knew it was only a matter of time before someone left.
Antigone Rising was a big part of my life for about 10 years and whether you realise it or not AR collectively had a hand in making me the person I am today. A better person. One who's not afraid to speak up and stick up for herself and her beliefs. Who isn't afraid to want to best out of life and isn't afraid to go out and make that happen. Most importantly I'm not that shy girl in the corner anymore.
Soooooo….. anyway, when you left it wasn't a shock at all. It was more of an upset. Like when you graduate high school or college and your excited about the possiblities for your future but are upset about leaving the life you knew for so long behind.
I've heard people say that they can't follow you or can't follow AR because of loyalty issues and I honestly have to say I was on the fence about that for a while too. NOW I know better and NOW I can truly say that I think that is a load of CRAP. My loyalties from DAY ONE were specifically to you and Kristen. Well, fast forward a few years later and I can honestly say that I don't find it to be a problem at all to be a fan of BOTH bands. Neither one of you EVER made me feel as though I should feel bad for being a fan of the other and I thank you so much for that.
Thank you for putting out that album…
Thank you for being so nice to me for so long…
Thank you for your music…
Thank you for being you.
Now come to Florida or else!!!! lol
Thank you for the CD Cassidy, it was well worth the wait and I really admire and appreciate the love and dedication you have for what you do. You're a class act and a star, shine on.
Everything always happens the way they do for a reason. We might not understand or like it when it happens, but we always come out a much stronger and better person. You have SOOOO much talent, and the sound of your voice makes me melt. I have been a fan of AR for years, but it was you and your voice I always came to see when you played in D.C. Keep pumpin out those albums, and I will keep pimpin you out to my friends (some of my friends have already downloaded your album from itunes).
You Rock Cassidy!!!!
Thank you so much. I miss DC.
I miss seeing you at shows. Florida got a great girl.
I was so unhappy for so long. It's amazing how mad people are that I left. They'd rather we be miserable I guess. I have never felt people need to pick sides. As a matter of fact, pretty much everyone who follows me does NOT feel the need to choose, or be negative. I have many positive, enlightened and loving fans. And that's the way I like it. The negativity is welcomed to stay away. I don't miss it.
Thank you Laura.
xo
That makes me smile.
Thank you.
LOL!!! I love this album. I wrote the damn thing and nobody was ever going to put it out. I think I'm in trouble but bring it on. The music is where it belongs now. I don't care what happens.
I saw your email. Don't worry…all clear there. I used my own money. The people who donated helped me survive this year and it was because of them that I got brave. Not sure what happens now but I'd rather die on my feet than live on my knees. I forget who said that but I like it.
Love you back.
Cassidy
Thank you. I plan to record more music. I just know it'll become possible.
Hope to see you in AZ sometime!
Enjoy!
I miss D.C. too, but I won't trade my Florida sunshine for cold winters
I just listened to the snippets on iTunes… nice. Very, very nice. I'm so happy that the album got released (drama aside). When I first met the band, it was through VH-1. I instantly thought, “wow. they're amazing!”… I heard them sing and thought, “DAMN! They're AMAZING!”. I was scheduled to see them in Cleveland and Pittsburgh… they broke up before those shows. So I was never a fan of anyone in particular. I didn't/don't have a side. I guess in that sense, I'm lucky. But I think I might also regret that I never got to see AR as a whole. Cassidy's powerhouse voice and the band's musical talent…wow. I've seen each individually a few times. Both groups/individuals are so talented. This album shows it. Nothing like going out with a bang. If something that great must end, it's a fitting end (the album, not the way it all played out).
To all the complainers: Fuggetaboutit. The album's out there. Nothing can be changed now. So I can see both sides of the argument equally… I've learned to never pick sides… but with that said: The album (beyond the title and artist release name) includes your favorite person/people… regardless of which “side” you are on. When the day is over, it all comes down to the love of the music. True, the personalities in AR was one of the reasons that I fell in love with the band; the first reason: THE MUSIC. And that's what we have. So continue to support who you want to support. But sit back, relax, and listen to the music.
“So say thank you for the days… the sunny rays when the band plays.”
To Cassidy and Antigone Rising current members: Keep on rockin'.
-Mikey
I came here right from Tweeter and not via my gmail and blog link as usual. Is this the unreleased “Tales from Wonderland”, Cassidy? Last week I read a tweet about an email from someone to someone else and this second person was asked to give up the master tape of that album or something. I'm gonna comment no more on this 'cos it's still traumatic for everybody.
I came a second time to this blog entry – this time via my usual channel, my gmail and blog link, unlike the first time via Twitter. I re-read the blog and read all the comments and decided to post the following thoughts:
“Spending years on the road with women who essentially didn’t like me”
“sat in a studio for weeks again, with women who did not like”
Two band members of that line up were room mates for a while and used to write songs together.
In the Real Magic TV video, one band member of that lineup says “When I came in the band, I needed five minutes to find common language with [...]“. Probably because both band members of that lineup were Jerseyans and even born in the same Morris County, if I'm not mistaken. It is sad to see that, people who used to have so much in common could not talk directly to each other to set the things straight, and lawyers had to be involved in this. It even makes one wonder what was true from what I tried to quote from that video. Please also see below. I thought I could deal relatively easily with that breakup phase but now echoes of it and pondering out on this blog erntry and on the comments on it almost got me wet eyes. And I'm supposed to be a man, right?
“Anything is better than being ignored”.
True.
“And trust it’s only dollars. It’s not about that and never was. It’s about the work and hours spent creating something that you should have had a long time ago and realizing that if I didn’t look after it myself, no one ever would”.
In the Jay Leno Show video, it is said: “There are evenings when we make only $100. And then we ask 'Whose bill is next?' 'My electricity bill' [Gesture of grabbing and handing in] And we give the money to that person”. If an action to finally release this album in some form(at) was not about “Who gets the money?”, then probably there was a dispute about “In whose name?” and “What about my contributions to it?”.
I'm also thinking: if a pregnant mother-to-be chose not to respond while she was being pregnant, then maybe it was because her maternal instincts were developing, it was more about the baby now than about herself, so maybe avoiding stress of any nature during the pregnancy was necessary for that. If time heals and if 18 months were not enough to be able to speak to each other again based on what was in common and not on what divides one from the other now, I'm keeping a hope that, speaking to each other again based on that becomes possible, say, at about the time of the baby-shower.
“que sera sera”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xZbKHDPPrrc
It makes me really happy to finally have Tales from Wonderland and really sad it didn't come out under the Antigone Rising name. It just does not feel right at all. I wish there was a better way, but I'm so glad to have the CD either way. I guess that's the point, you got it out to the fans the best way you knew how. I just wish I knew ahead of time what I was buying instead of you calling it a new studio release. I think people would have been very supportive, had you said I'm getting the Tales of Wonderland CD out there, before people bought it and not after the fact. I don't necessarily think what you did was wrong. I don't know how I feel about that, but I do think you should have been upfront about what it was and not claim that you had a new studio album coming out of your own that people thought they were contributing money to. I think people would have contributed either way even if you said you needed money to get Tales From Wonderland out there, because everyone wanted that CD so badly. I for one, thought I was contributing to you to sit in the studio and make a new album, not release one that was already made. And like I said, I think I would have contributed any way, because I wanted this CD, but I feel like I was lied to or told half the truth.
Either way, glad I have it!
That would have been nice I agree. I couldn't say that though because they would have stopped me. I waited two days so people could get it and then said what it was. It was not being released for a reason….and not because of me. I am so glad you have the album too and that you got it when you did. Because guess what? They're stopping me. It won't be available for much longer.
WHAT WHAT WHAT???????? I am HEARTBROKEN. Correct me if I am wrong, but isn't the music for the fans? I really could care less if this came out under your name, or AR…I'm just so happy it finally came out!!! I just find it really sad that we still live in a world where people still refuse to play nice with each other and act like adults. Cassidy….you are a diamond, you cannot be broken
Wow! Ok, so I'm not going to comment on The Cassidy Project vs. AR and all of that. I am just going to say that regardless of how the album got released, I am just glad it is available. There are some songs that I only got to hear AR perform live at shows and it's nice to be able to have studio recordings of them. I purchased the album because of the music….because I love these songs.
I'm proud to say that I have been happy to support you in anyway that I can….purchasing your music, going to your shows and even working at your merch table.
Music is one of my biggest passions and once I am hooked, I am hooked. Keep rockin', Cassidy!
You could care less, but I bet the band cares a little
I am personally I'm thrilled I own it!!
Wow! Ok, so I'm not going to comment on The Cassidy Project vs. AR and all of that. I am just going to say that regardless of how the album got released, I am just glad it is available. There are some songs that I only got to hear AR perform live at shows and it's nice to be able to have studio recordings of them. I purchased the album because of the music….because I love these songs.
I'm proud to say that I have been happy to support you in anyway that I can….purchasing your music, going to your shows and even working at your merch table.
Music is one of my biggest passions and once I am hooked, I am hooked. Keep rockin', Cassidy!
Wow! Ok, so I'm not going to comment on The Cassidy Project vs. AR and all of that. I am just going to say that regardless of how the album got released, I am just glad it is available. There are some songs that I only got to hear AR perform live at shows and it's nice to be able to have studio recordings of them. I purchased the album because of the music….because I love these songs.
I'm proud to say that I have been happy to support you in anyway that I can….purchasing your music, going to your shows and even helping at your merch table.
Music is one of my biggest passions and once I am hooked, I am hooked. Keep rockin', Cassidy!
I have it on nonstop play!!! Whenever I get into the car, or am cleaning the house, it is ALWAYS on. I love that I already know the songs and can sing along with it
Sorry if this is a duplicate, I just happened to hit the wrong key before even finishing my comment. One MySpace account vanished on one hand, and I also read a “Paola” tweet on the other hand.
I'm thinking: there had been a first time of you trying to work with them and vice versa. And it didn't seem to work. “It was not the right time yet”, or something like this, was said about that.
So I'm wondering: what could have changed in a while so that, after a second attempt, “it worked this time” and you ended up staying with them for so long? What exactly made this long-term collaboration possible? Then again it may have been just your decision to bt in the band, as you mention in the fourth paragraph from top to bottom in your above blog entry.
The new CD is superb. AR pulled it off and made an outstanding studio album. Kudos! I was smiling and tapping my feet as I listened to it yesterday. The music brought back a lot of good memories about good times seeing AR in concert.
You did the right thing, Cass, in setting the music free. I never understood why AR knuckled under so easily to the powers that be. I always thought that you gals were braver than that. People can't do much harm to you when you have nothing left to lose. The most dangerous (translate that as freest) people are those with nothing left to lose. What could anyone do to AR? Sue you for your millions?!
I'm keeping my fingers crossed that the remaining AR ladies will soon come to their senses and see that you did them a favor by taking any heat for releasing the CD. There are far too many timid people in the world, especially women. Bravery is a good thing. A brave woman is especially good, in my opinion.
I'm also assuming that you're putting the other ladies' share of the Sink or Swim proceeds “in escrow” for when they come to their senses. Comments about cheating, lying and stealing were a tad “over the top.” My thoughts when I saw that were “get a grip, please, and don't cut off your nose to spite your face!”
So…thanks again for the new music. The wild ride with the AR ladies isn't over. We're used to the drama. It is what it is. I wouldn't have it any other way.
this entire explanation was awesome and needed. Now things make sense and i dont feel as torn btw supporting you or AR. I am with you on this!…because the music belongs to all of us doesnt it? Not some shelf. Thanks for that!
Fantastic to hear this album at last! I like the way Buying Bridges continues on into Hollow.
Just got Cassidy's message that – So it seems like Cassidy did do the right thing when she released this CD, because I just got the message that “Serial Killer” is going to be played tonight (Aug 30) at 9 PM EST on Q104.3 FM. Since everyone in the AR band will financially benefit if the song becomes a hit, Cassidy made the right decision for all. Fans of AR and the Cassidy Project alike need to call or email the station ( jonathanclarke@q1043.com ) to support the efforts of these talented muscians. Finally – the day we've all been waiting for – hearing them sing and play ON THE RADIO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh Ms Cassidy, THANK YOU for the story, for the music, for your honesty and openess. You blew my mind the first time i heard you sing and i’ve been a fan of yours ever since. You have been so inspiring and strong, and you even inspired my husband and I to name our daughter Cassidy. I hope she grows up to rock just as much as you do, peace. be well. keep singing.
I would just like to say…the second time I saw Cassidy (AR) at The Birchmere Cassidy declared “we are pushing for the new album to come out…and we promise come hell or high water it will be released in the next year.” The other bandmates agreed…and the time went by…I use to listen to the CD of that concert and think where is it??? I was dying to hear it…yes they played some songs from it…but I wanted them to reach that milestone…it was their goal (from what they said) All I can say now is Thank you CASSIDY for keeping your promise. Sometimes in life you do what you have to do…you make the best decision for yourself and you go with it. I hope you are not doubting yourself on this. AMAZING! I wish all “artists” I shudder to even call them that would write a song and then sing it from the heart. You will swim!!
Hey Cassidy,
Although we’ve tweeted a bit since the release, I guess I want to chime in here as well. I’d been a fan of Antigone Rising (with you) since ‘04. I “discovered” you guys as a result of the Starbucks release. It was a bad time in my life, then recently losing my mom (and last parent).
You guys filled a void in me, and at the same time, I found new friends with common interests. We’d meet up at shows here in New England, do call ups with the “beer tent parties” were playing, and were all about everything AR.
Even back in ‘04, we knew everthing wasn’t all rosy, but, based on personal observations, and videos and interviews, it sure appeared that it wasn’t always bad. It looked like there were times where things were really, really good. It’s to bad it couldn’t always be that way, but spending 200 plus days and nights with anyone can become an over powering burden. (just watch big brother!!)
Anyway, it was a worry of many of the fans that this day would come, and as things go, it finally did. Obviously, many peeps aligned with one side or the other, but I was and still am going to continue to support “both sides”, because to me, in the past you’re still one entity. Certainly now you’re not, and I’ll work that out in my head, my way.
As the two sides set out to make their marks on their new paths, ups and downs have will probably continue to happen, but, that’s when fans have to step it up and continue to support the talent we know and love. I also am happy that SorS came out. I know it was a logistical problem to give credit where credit was due, and you did allude to that afterwards.
Really with the exception of a couple of songs, everything was out on the myspace accounts at one time or another anyway, and anyone with any technical skills already captured it and loaded it into our ipods anway!
I recently went to an AR show with Nini. She’s great, she’s not you, but she’s great. She brings something different to the band, and I’m sure they’re going to do great. I’ll continue to suppor them when ever and how ever I can.
Also, the same goes for you. Some day, you’ll discover that you can play out slightly NE of NYC and I’ll catch up to you and express my appreciation personally. I’m still waiting for that day
!!
For those that can’t accept the fact that people can support both sides in a debate, argument, or whatever you want to call it, DEAL WITH IT. As much as your mind cannot be changed, neither can peeps that support both.
Continued succes to Antigone Rising and also The Cassidy Project!