I’m a people watcher.
I love to observe social rituals and human interaction. I can spend hours discussing the intricacies of interpersonal connections, analyzing people’s responses and reactions to things. I’m way into it.
I probably would have been a great forensic profiler. I love those shows.
I struggle in relationships though. Maybe it’s because I’m forever deconstructing conversations after they happen. Assigning meaning to things that have none. Maybe I’m too aware. Nobody likes a know it all….isn’t that the saying? Who wants to hang around someone who finds the hidden message in every statement?
How annoying.
I don’t do it to be annoying though. I sincerely can’t help it. And I have somehow managed to round up a few steady people in my life who I think kinda like it. They do it too, so we entertain each other with our theories of observation. They also aren’t scared to tell me to shut up sometimes….and I need that.
For instance, if we were out to dinner, and you complained about your job, my natural reaction would be to probe further….why are you still there? What is your part in the unrest? If you’re at a bar, smashed off your face and causing a scene, I am automatically wondering what’s the deeper reason. If you chose an abusive partner, if you’re nasty for seemingly no cause…or, if you are successful in your job or in a loving marriage. If you smile at everyone and whistle in the gym…..I wanna know why why WHY???
I’m fascinated.
The human psyche is an amazing thing and when I boil it all down people tend to be coming from one of two places.
Love and fear.
I think all things are based in these two things.
Anger, jealousy, selfishness, intolerance…..it’s all fear manifested in those defensive mechanisms designed to protect ourselves from things we don’t understand, or from being hurt. Kindness, generosity, understanding…..love. It’s all love derived. Try it…think of an emotion and see if it fits in one or the other. I have found it does.
I SO know when I am coming from a place of fear these days. When I feel like something is in danger of being taken from me. My security, or my self esteem. I get up on my hind legs and show my sharp teeth. I’m like an animal trying to scare away what threatens me. The older I get though, the more I can turn the other cheek. I realized that I actually lose MORE of my power by reacting, so it’s become easier to walk away from a fight. That’s big for me. I used to be so combative, and short fused. I was an explosion waiting to happen at all times. But I get so much more satisfaction now out of staying calm and managing all that huge energy. And now I can see how silly people look when they can’t control their outbursts or their foul moods.
(Buddhism and 12 step addiction recovery played a huge roll, in case you were at all curious).
I am still just a human on this planet trying like hell to figure it all out though. And some days are decidedly better than others. But for me, it’s through awareness that I adjust my position on the road to higher meaning. It’s through trial and error that I improve my existence.
And while watching others slip and fall that I give myself permission not to.
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I am always watching, analyzing, thinking…I spend a lot of time trying to figure people out. I want to know what makes them tick and why they do what they do. I like to play a game where I make up stories about people I see. You know, what kind of family they have, what they do for a living, whether they have a secret, etc.
I read too much into things and I too struggle in relationships because of this. I guess the upside of this is that I am really good at reading people’s emotions and knowing what they need.
I do believe you are right that everything is based on love or fear. If only more people understood how much power they lose by reacting. And how much more things go their way if they’re pleasant. I know that personally in my job and life in general I am much more likely to give someone what they want and help them quickly if they’re nice to me. Yelling doesn’t intimidate me because I don’t let myself take it personally, but I’m certainly going to do as little as possible for you if you’re a jerk.
“I’m a people watcher.
I love to observe social rituals and human interaction. I can spend hours discussing the intricacies of interpersonal connections, analyzing people’s responses and reactions to things. I’m way into it.
I probably would have been a great forensic profiler”.
But in Episode 8 of “Ask Cassidy” you said you could be a lawyer, and I can feel your sense of justice as well. Now, however, it seems you could have also been a sociologist or a psychologist as well.
“I’m forever deconstructing conversations after they happen. Assigning meaning to things that have none”.
So you too?
“Nobody likes a know it all”
Were you too called like this? Did you too use to attract hatred because you’re so smart? Well, I’m not but I still attract it, though.
“Who wants to hang around someone who finds the hidden message in every statement?”
It’s just a Capricorn-ish (Capricorn-ic?) trait, I guess.
“if we were out to dinner, and you complained about your job, my natural reaction would be to probe further….why are you still there?”
Because I too need to survive somehow, that’s why.
“What is your part in the unrest?”
I am the one with higher work ethics and work attitude. The others take advantage of me, so gradually “kill” me. I might have also been exposed to a network switch’s infrasound (20-50 Hz?) at work for 4 months until last Friday, though. I understand it generates anxiety. I can feel myself more relaxed now, though.
“it’s all fear manifested in those defensive mechanisms designed to protect ourselves from things we don’t understand, or from being hurt”.
Insecurity.
“I get up on my hind legs and show my sharp teeth. I’m like an animal trying to scare away what threatens me”.
You too?
“The older I get though, the more I can turn the other cheek”.
Please don’t get used to it, though. Otherwise you become like me.
“it’s become easier to walk away from a fight”.
In an interview, I read: “Dena, who is admittedly non-confrontational…”
“That’s big for me. I used to be so combative, and short fused”.
You too?
“I am still just a human on this planet trying like hell to figure it all out though”.
You too?
So, so far, that was Cassidy’s mini-version of David Hume’s “Treatise of Human Nature”.
And now:
Liz:
“I’m certainly going to do as little as possible for you if you’re a jerk”.
You must be lucky then. In my job, I have no choice, though. I have to treat the jerk and the nice guy just the same. After all, Kipling taught me way earlier: “If you can meet the triumph and disaster and treat the two impostors just the same”.
This is an excellent post.
Fear probably is the root cause of a lot of problems. No matter how you slice it and dice it, people are always captives to to their childhoods to some extent. Push the wrong buttons for some folks or breach their carefully constructed fortress for others and all of a sudden you find yourself in shitstorm of epic proportions.
Though I think that you have to allow for some randomness in the universe. Sometimes the simplest answer is the best one. People don’t feel well, the car broke down, a kid is sick and somebody has to miss work, the toilet is busted, a woman goes a little crazy during menopause…you get the idea. These “reasons” are far less complicated than love and fear. In short, shit just happens. Not all conflict ends in death and dismemberment like on CSI — though I’m more of a Law & Order fan myself.
People of good will can usually find a way to get past collisions. Just look and Hillary and Obama! All this crap about race got way out of hand despite the fact that neither one of them is racist. We’ll all survive.
A good read about fear and love is “Conversations With God” by Neale Donald Walsch.
False
Evidence
Appearing
Real
Fear is all a state of mind. Live in love!
I’m with you on this one Cassidy…
I’ve lost jobs over being “too in tune” with what was going on. I’m a very observant person, and no when things are a little out of the norm.
It’s too easy to catch people in white lies that lead to bigger ones later on. As a result, I’ve often seen the proverbial axe falling long before my co-workers.
ctdannyd
It’s not really a gift, more a curse that I’ve learned to live with…
As we all (on this thread) see, to do!
Analyze, analyze, analyze. Sometimes I wonder if it will be the death of me, or a relationship, or a friendship. Yet, I’ve wondered, why I do it and if I’m the only one. I’m glad to know there are others out there with the same curious nature.
I also think this is where a lot of artists draws from, constantly trying to create an underlying meaning to something someone has said or done. That doesn’t necessarily mean that there’s something there, but it’s created anyway. In a way, I guess you could consider it an art form in itself. It does make life a bit more complicated and maybe a tad more confusing for me, but where’s the fun in being normal?
This is the second time over the weekend that I’ve “run into” someone talking about Buddhism.
If you feel so inclined, I would love for you to write a blog sometime about things like how you came to Buddhism, your practice or whatever you feel like discussing on the subject.
Advice for folks who have tried meditation (and didn’t stick with it) and folks who aren’t joiners (I’m not looking for a guru) would be appreciated.
Edi,
I’m a naturally and authentically friendly person in general (people often say I’m the nicest person they know), so you know I’m only talking about the complete and utter douchebags here.
Of course I have to help the jerks too. I work in HR, so I kind of have to be nice to people even if they don’t deserve it. I’ll just help you a lot quicker if you’re pleasant.
I’m technical support (phone calls, emails), Liz. It’s about software for (wireless) diagnosis of a vehicle. I’m between hammer (techs at our car dealerships) and anvil (co-workers who take diagnosis calls, who are hammered too by those techs, push me as for why the software is not working: I’m not the developer either).
I’m also one of the “folks who aren’t joiners” as “Synchronicity” said above. So I too would be curious on Cassidy’s input on Buddhism, as no one has been able to persuade me into yoga. Not even into at least reading Paramhansa Yogananda’s “Autobiography of a Yogi”. I preferred to leave it where I first met it – as the source of inspiration (the four Shastric Scriptures in a footnote therein) for the album “Tales from Topographic Oceans” (1973) by Yes.
But first, Cassidy and her bandmates are doing a mini-tour in the following days, so good luck all with some great AR shows!
Yeah. It happens to everybody at some point in their lives, no matter how much people deny it. Over-analyzation is just something that comes with life. Some people realize how helpful it can be, although taxing on the mind and soul, and stick with it. Others just don’t have the mental capacity to continue life in such a way and move on. Still others just don’t care and block it out completely.
I’m the first of the three, which is why I’m in the field of psychiatry. I have found a profession which allows me to use such a skill in a positive form.
Unfortunately, like others who have posted, it has affected my relationships though…but not friendships as much as real relationships. Over-analyzation of the female gender by a man is not something I recommend, as it is fruitless, and maddening. Thinking too much into actions and simple comments in the past has now lead me to ignore most actions and comments by the opposite gender (romantically), so I apparently miss the subtle gestures and hints that men are now supposed to pick up on…so now unless a lady just flat out puts it on the table that she’s interested in me, I’m clueless.
Talk about a sad series of circumstances!! Eh, it’s all in good fun though. maybe I’ll get it right in the next life. Keep writing Cassidy!
Wow! OK, I'm biased, but Cass stole the show on this one. How often is the “backup” singer the best voice on the stage???? Way to go, girl.
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